Walk in purity - words of grace

Daniel Patz, Lead Pastor

Grace Church, Sunday Worship

Ephesians 4:29-30

October 18th, 2009

Ephesians 4:29-30

(29)  Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.  (30)  And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

 Reviewing the Heart – Apple Tree, Drunk, Inside Us Not Outside, Fountain 

"For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

(Luke 6:43-45)

Numerous Words

From John MacAurthur:

Do you realize that you speak about 18 to 25 thousand words a day?  Some people have said that men speak 25 thousand words a day and women speak 30 thousand words a day, I don't know who counted that up, but the difficulty is by the time the man comes home from work, he has already spent his 25 thousand and the woman hasn't started on her 30 thousand.  She's been waiting for that opportunity.

     But we speak a tremendous number of words a day.  Somebody calculated that we probably put together a 54-page book every day.  And in a year, we would probably produce about 66 800-page books.  This may shock you.  You will, if you're a normal person, spend one fifth of your life talking.  It's kind of interesting, you probably remember as a child, I do, whenever I went to the doctor, my parents would take me to the doctor, the first thing the doctor would say is, "Let me see your tongue."  James is saying the same thing, "let me see your tongue."

     The nurse puts a thermometer under your tongue and tells your physical temperature.  James says, your tongue itself will take your spiritual temperature.

GOD’S MISSION FOR OUR MOUTH

1. Realize You have a Word Problem and Renounce Corrupting Words

no corrupting talk come out of your mouths

“corrupting” = rotten, putrid, decaying, destructive

 FROM TRIPP:

“I never thought when we were going together that he would talk to me the way he does now!”

"I can't believe what I'm hearing when my son talks to me!"

"She hung up on me right in the middle of a sentence."

"My parents never talk to me unless I am in trouble." "He only talks to me nicely when he wants something."

"He talks so much it's hard to get a word in edgewise."

"I'm not comfortable with the way she talks to me about other people."

"It seems like we never have enough time to talk." "He talked a long time, but I don't have a clue about what he was trying to say."

"Why do we always seem to end up in an argument?" "What happened? We seemed to be so close and now we hardly ever talk."

"I feel like I spend all my time breaking up my kids' argu­ments!"

"Yes, he asked for my forgiveness, but I'm having a hard time letting go of the hurt. What he said was so cruel."

"I wish our family could go through an entire day without someone yelling."

"I don't know why I waste my time talking. It doesn't seem to make a bit of difference."

"We'll never get to the bottom of things if everyone keeps talking at once!"

"She always has to have the last word." "He talks so sweetly to me when we're in public." "Sometimes I think it would be better if we quit talking al­together."

From Bridges – Respectable Sins

GOSSIP

Gossip is the spreading of unfavor­able information about someone else, even if that information is true. However, gossip is often based on rumor, which makes the sin even worse. Indulging in gossip seems to feed our sinful ego, especially when the information we're passing along is negative. It makes us feel self-righteous by comparison. And then there are those times when we disguise our gossip as, "I want to share this with you for your prayers." If we know something negative about someone, we should pray about it. But we should not spread around the bad news.

Ephesians 4:29 not only tells us what kinds of speech to put off, it also tells us what to put on. It is only such speech that builds up and gives grace to those who hear it. Therefore, when we are tempted to gossip, we should ask ourselves, Will what I'm about to say tend to tear down or build up the person I'm about to talk about?

SLANDER

Slander is making a false statement or misrepresentation about another person that defames or damages the person's reputation. Political campaigns, for example, are notorious for slandering opponents by falsely ascribing to the opponent a position based on statements taken out of context or based on some isolated act that occurred some years ago. It is such statements that are definitely aimed at creating a false, slanderous impression.

But do Christians slander? Yes, we do. We slander when we ascribe wrong motives to people, even though we can't see their hearts or know their particular circumstances. We slander when we say another believer is "not committed" when he or she does not practice the same spiritual disciplines we do or engage in the same Christian activities we engage in. We slander when we misrepresent another person's position on a subject without first determining what that person's position is. We slander when we blow out of proportion another person's sin and make that person appear to be more sinful than he or she really is.

The motive behind slander is often to gain an advantage in some way over another person. In the business world, it is called "backstabbing" or "climbing the corporate ladder over other people's backs." But sometimes we Christians can do this kind of thing. In a Christian organization or a church, we can seek to gain an advantage over someone else by slandering that person.

Slander is actually lying. But there are, of course, other forms of lying. We usually think of it as making a false statement, and probably most of us tend to guard against such speech. However, we are apt to lie by exaggeration, by a failure to tell the whole truth, or by indulging in what we call a "little white lie" — a lie that we think is of no consequence. Whatever form it takes, a lie expresses an intent to deceive. A good test we might use of our speech is the question, "Is it true?"

CRITICAL SPEECH

Critical speech is negative comments about someone that may be actually true but doesn't need to be said. For example, "He spends too much time watching television" or "She's not a good student." The questions we should ask ourselves about these kinds of comments are Is it kind? and Is it needful? By the latter, I mean does it really need to be said?

We not only sin in our speech about one another but we also sin when talking to one another. This sinful speech includes harsh words, sarcasm, insults, and ridicule. The common denominator of all these forms of negative speech is that they tend to put down, humiliate, or hurt the other person. This type of speech most often comes from an attitude of impatience or anger. Jesus said, "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matthew 12:34). This means that although we speak of sins of the tongue, our real problem is our heart. Behind all of our gossip, slander, critical speech, insults, and sarcasm is our sinful heart. The tongue is only the instrument that reveals what's in our hearts.

For some years I have sought to apply Ephesians 4:29 to my speech. I'm sure I fail many times, but at least that's the bench­mark, or target, I aim for. One night I started to say something negative to my wife about a former colleague. But then I thought of Ephesians 4:29, and, as we say, "I bit my tongue." I felt quite good about my self-control until the next morning. During my time with God, I thought about the previous night's incident. Then the thought came to me, "But you thought it, didn't you?" I was brought up short. I realized I needed to guard not only my mouth, but more important, I needed to guard my heart.

 Thomas Watson – The Evil Tongue

1. The evil tongue is the silent tongue

2. The evil tongue is the earthly tongue

3. The evil tongue is the hasty or angry tongue

4. The evil tongue is the vain tongue,

5. The evil tongue is the censorious tongue,

6. The evil tongue is the slanderous tongue,

7. The evil tongue is the unclean tongue,

8. The evil tongue is the lying tongue,

9. The evil tongue is the flattering tongue,

10. The evil tongue is the tongue given to boasting,

11. The evil tongue is the swearing tongue

12. The evil tongue is an railing tongue

13. The evil tongue is a seducing tongue

14. The evil tongue is the cruel tongue

15. The evil tongue is the murmuring tongue

16. The evil tongue is the scoffing tongue

17.The evil tongue is the tongue given to cursing

18. The evil tongue is the unjust tongue

2. Embrace God’s Mission for Your Mouth by Being a Conduit of Grace

but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

1. “Good” – useful, beneficial,

(Father gives good to those who ask – Matt 7:11)

Only that what God gives to his people

The Truth of the Word of God – that which is sound and healthy

2. “Building up” – edifying (the act of one who promotes another's growth in Christian wisdom, piety, happiness, holiness)

4:12 and 4:16 – we exist for the purpose of building up the body in love 

Others-centered. “Look not to your own interests but to the interests of others”

3. “As Fits the occasion” – according to the need

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.  (Proverbs 25:11)

To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!  (Proverbs 15:23)

Knowing who and when you are talking to.

4. “That it may bring grace to those who hear” – merciful kindness, pointing to the source of all grace – healing and help (this is a sum of all)

3. The commands are sweeping.

Let no…

But only…

4. The Holy Spirit has something to do with our words.

(30)  And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

The Holy Spirit abides in us and unites us.

Words that tear down and corrupt – grieve the Holy Spirit.

He is talking to Christians.

The Holy Spirit is in the process of conforming us into the image of Jesus.

We have been redeemed.

 Words from the Proverbs:

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.  (Proverbs 18:21)

 When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.  (Proverbs 10:19)

 The tongue of the righteous is choice silver; the heart of the wicked is of little worth.  (Proverbs 10:20)

 The lips of the righteous feed many, but fools die for lack of sense.  (Proverbs 10:21)

 A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.  (Proverbs 15:4)

 There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.  (Proverbs 12:18)

 Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.  (Proverbs 21:23) 

Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.  (Proverbs 13:3)

James on the Tongue:

If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.  (James 1:26)

 Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.

(James 3:1-12)

 Jesus on the Tongue:

You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."

(Matthew 12:34-37)

 Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is expelled? But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person. But to eat with unwashed hands does not defile anyone."

(Matthew 15:17-20)